rossi | 9. The Princess Scam

It was a beautiful day in the kingdom. The sun was shining, the flowers were blooming and buzzing with fat honeybees, the birds were chirping and Sir Beverick rode along the road on his magnificent steed, armour gleaming brightly. He hummed as he rode, the clanking of his armour an almost musical accompaniment. He had just won the jousting tournament, his saddle bags were filled with coin and his belly full with a rather fine meal from an inn a few miles back.

It was, indeed, a very good day to be a knight. One in shining armour, not less.

Of course, all this meant was it was the perfect time for a woman's terrified scream to rend the peaceful air, followed by the unmistakable roar of a dragon. Sir Beverick reined in his steed and cast about, looking for the source of the calamity. Soon enough, there was the creak of leathery wings and an enormously green and scaly dragon appeared from behind a small hill, smoke trailling from his nostrils. In one of his front claws he clutched a woman. She was obviously a lady of breeding and wealth, to judge from her gown, and she was struggling and shrieking helplessly.

"Save me! Oh, won't any one save me! " One of her shoes fell off as she kicked and bounced off Sir Beverick's helmet. "Good Sir Knight! Please, I pray you, save me from this ravenous beast!"

"Fear not, my lady!" he called back, unslinging his great bow from his saddle and nocking an arrow to the string. "I, Sir Beverick the Mighty, shall save you!"

The dragon swooped low in an attempt to spook his steed and Sir Beverick fired. For a moment it seemed that he had missed, but the creature let out a great bellow of pain and a gout of flame and went spiralling down into a clump of trees.

"Come, Muffin!" Sir Beverick called to his steed (yes, his steed was called Muffin. It's a long story, don't ask). "The hunt is afoot!"

Muffin, being used to this sort of thing, let out a loud neigh and reared obligingly before cantering towards the thick plume of smoke rising from the copse.

A daunting sight awaited them. The maiden was backed up against a tree, face blanched white with fear and half-swooning at the sight of the dragon pacing towards her with his enormous mouth open, showing rows of sharp white teeth. Smoke dribbled from its nostrils as it prepared to flambe her with a burst of flame.

"Hold, foul beast!" Sir Beverick cried, charging down onto the scene on Muffin. "You shall not feed upon this maiden's sweet flesh this day! I, Sir Beverick, shall slay you!"

The dragon roared and turned to face the oncoming knight. Sir Beverick bravely ignored the stench of the beast's breath and drove forward, sword drawn and at the ready. Flame gusted over the top of his head, the maiden screamed and then there was a heavy blow as the dragon's tail neatly unhorsed him, sending the knight sailing through the air to land in a clattering heap at the bottom of a tree.

"Careful! Don't dent him!"

Sir Beverick sat there for a moment, head ringing, until he felt gentle hands removing his helmet. "My lady...?" he began, a bit nonplussed. Wasn't there a fight going on? Or had he won already?

The maiden, far more fair than he could have imagined, even with her hair all windblown and in disarray, smiled and then spoke:

"Thank you, Sir Knight, for coming to my aid. Now, I'm afraid, it is you who need aid." A small crossbow appeared in his vision, the bolt aimed right between his eyes. "This is a hold up."

***

Later, riding away on Muffin with the dragon clumping along at her side, Meredith, former princess of a realm far too tiny to sustain itself and now bankrupt, gave a happy sigh. "Not a bad haul, Roger. Saddlebags full of money, a nice set of armour to sell off, and a noble steed, into the bargain. Even with you tossing him around like a cat with a mouse."

Roger made a grumbling noise and snorted smoke.

"I'm just saying, we get a better price if the armour isn't full of dents and holes, that's all. And we need the money - I lost a shoe back there, did you see?"

Another snort.

"Well, it still beats getting married off for a living. Now, there's a jousting tournament next week on the coast, what do you think...?"

And they all lived happily ever after. Even Sir Beverick, who was so embarrassed at being robbed by a woman and her dragon he got out of the knight business altogether and became a tavern owner, which, he found, he enjoyed far more than saving maidens and jousting.